Cate McCarty, PhD

Fathers are such powerful people in our lives. Some of us were “daddy’s little girls”. Some of us were always a bit afraid of disappointing Dad. Some of us are adults bound with grudge and resentment towards our dad. Regardless of where you are on the spectrum, the role of father holds great power in your psyche. I was the Manager on Duty this weekend and was pleased to talk with daughters calling their fathers or mothers. In memory care we spend a lot of time in the world of family bereavement and loss. We see an amazing individual in…

The average individual entering memory care has a standard Living Will that does not delineate any range of choice as their cognitive and physical health changes. The standard Living Will covers extreme situations but not any interim changes that often happen as the individual’s dementia advances. This leaves a vast territory of decision that only the adult children, in particular the Healthcare Surrogate, must navigate. It is in this vast territory that all the foibles and dysfunctions of the family or the healthcare surrogate raise their ugly heads. Time and time again family members choose dramatic surgery to “help Daddy…

Holiday. Today is a day to remember those who gave and lost for their country. For some of us that is a distant thought—those too young to have heard the stories of Pearl Harbor. Those who have not had a veteran in their lineage for generations. For them, we use sensory cues to help them remember, help them glimpse what sacrifice was made. The cues are flags, the colors of red, white & blue, patriotic music, historic programming, and parades. All sensory cues that bring the individual to a memory and a memorial. For myself, I carry the stories of…

Imagine a world where savory memories had no place to be shared. At the ripe age of 53, in the middle of the night—half awake. half asleep my mind meanders through memories. Random sensory moments. I try to envision walking the beach with a gentle tide lapping at my feet—I’m alone or walking quietly with another. I can only envision this because I pleasantly remember many times doing this. I drift a bit. Then somehow I wake, connect to the present, it’s too late to talk to my partner. But I am assured that I will be able to sometime….

I want to go home. Who can help me get home? I need to get home . . . These are common refrains heard from folks with dementia. As family we take the request at face value, and yet how many of us have heard this refrain from within the loved one’s home? It’s a sobering moment when you accommodate them and yet the refrain remains. You have the realization that “home” stands for something else, perhaps something unattainable. After years of hearing this refrain and attempting to accommodate as a recreation leader or as a family member, I’ve come…

The inability to communicate results in an acting out, a behavior.

In-hospital deaths and low hospice utilization were more likely in rural and small town nursing homes.

What are your quality of life indicators?

“I need my pack to have a purpose. Without a purpose, I don’t need to be here.”

Note the present joy to be used to diminish future sadness.