Death Dowry

This may be a mis-nomer—but it comes from the reality that there are things we relish and deny ourselves throughout life. Perhaps it’s legitimate to purchase, embrace, plan some of these things for our final days. This came to me while at the Jefferson Hotel in Richmond. I relished the bathrobe provided in the room, I was so sad that it wasn’t until the second night that I realized it was for me to use. As I reached¬† to untie the sash, the texture was sooo rich. Like my mom’s meringue, only fluffier. I priced a carbon copy in the Jefferson’s gift shop. Oh la la. Not in the budget maybe too much no matter how much I made per year. As I cogitated¬† leaving the hotel robe behind, it dawned on me that I could justify it if I was terminally ill. Then I could enjoy it, and bequeath it. Dual purpose. If my world has shrunken to a death bed—I’d deserve to have such a regal, rich embracing robe.

So I think I’ve begun a Death Dowry. Like a psychosocial care plan, but with specifics. I will publish it in case my loved ones want to help develop it.

So far—tapioca pudding, Jefferson robe, beach house-St Pete or Clearwater reserved for a month with rooms/suites for all my loved ones to be with me and be having fun. I get an ocean-front room with my hospital bed near the window and a balcony to access. Godiva dark chocolate.

That’s the start . . . something to build on as I endure some of life’s less fun parts. A cognitive activity while proctoring exams, or waiting in lines, or riding the metro. Perhaps once I have my list, I’ll allow myself to remember we are all terminal . . . and if I wear out my robe, there may be another available.

About Cate

Passionate about dementia care and quality of life throughout the last days of life----sums up Cate McCarty, Dr. Cate, Dementia Coach. With close to forty years of long-term care experience in nursing and recreation, a Master's in Thanatology and a PhD in Aging Studies, Dr. Cate seizes every opportunity to translate research into quality of life for individuals with dementia and all of us who have the honor to "rub elbows" with them.
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4 Responses to Death Dowry

  1. Marlee Faircloth says:

    Live each day as if it were your last. A statement we have all heard but have difficulty living for reasons like what you described… we would spend money or time we don’t have if we were dying. The mission statement of hospice is “helping patients make the most of life”. Maybe that statement should not just apply to hospice patients but all of us. Live and love fully and every now and then…. buy the robe no matter the price because you are worth it!

  2. I would like to get across my respect for your generosity giving support to folks that really need help on this matter. Your special commitment to passing the solution all through became especially beneficial and have all the time made others just like me to attain their dreams. Your personal warm and helpful guideline denotes much a person like me and even more to my office colleagues. Thanks a ton; from all of us.

  3. source says:

    I adore the blog site layout ! How was it made!? Its rather cool!

  4. Cate says:

    Thank you, it’s Word Press.

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